Escere
BRITISH VERSION OF THIS:
1. BOIL THE KETTLE - IF YOU HAVE TO USE A STOVE OR MICROWAVE SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH YOUR HOUSE
2. USE ANY WATER IN EXISTENCE - FUCK FILTERING THAT SHIT YOU DON’T HAVE TIME TO MAKE A PROFILE YOUR SHOW IS BACK ON IN 5 MINUTES PRESS A
3. THROW WHATEVER THE HELL TEABAG YOU HAVE IN THERE - FUCK LOOSE TEA THAT IS FOR WHEN YOU ORDER TEA OUTSIDE
4. USE YOUR STIRRING TEABAG METHOD OF CHOICE, ADD SUGAR/SWEETENER LIKE A BOSS OR NOT IF YOU ARE A HEALTHY BOSS
5. GRUMBLE LIKE A FISHERMAN BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO LEAVE THE KETTLE AREA TO GO TO THE FRIDGE TO GET MILK AND BACK TO IT AGAIN AFTER YOU ADD IT
6. RUN BACK TO WHATEVER YOU WERE DOING, TAKE A COMFORT SIP AND THEN EITHER FINISH IT OR FORGET ABOUT IT AND MOAN ABOUT THE FACT THAT YOU LET IT GO COLD
****
EDIT: IF YOU CAN’T SPOT IF NOT FROM THIS ALONE THEN THE NATURE OF MY TUMBLR THAT I’M NOT MAKING A DIG AT HER COMIC SIMPLY POINTING OUT HOW LAZY WE ARE OVER HERE WITH TEA THEN GET OFF THE INTERNET. THE COMIC COVERS ALL TEA OPTIONS. COME AT ME BRO.THE AUSTRALIAN VERSION
JUST GET THE BLOODY BILLY ON THE FIRE AND THROW IN A FISTFUL OF TEA FOR EACH BUGGER AFTER THE WATER BOILS
TAKE OFF FIRE
WAIT UNTIL IT REACHES DESIRED STRENGTH
CAPABLE OF SUPPORTING A SPOON STOOD UPRIGHT IN IT IS IDEAL
WHACK BILLY TO ENCOURAGE SINKING OF TEA LEAVES
POUR IT OUT
ADD AS MUCH MILK AND SUGAR AS YOU LIKE OR NOT AT ALL
VEGEMITE IS ACCEPTABLEDRINK IT DOWN WHILE RIDING OFF INTO THE OUTBACK ON YOUR BIG RED KANGAROO ON A SADDLE MADE OF DROPBEAR PELTS, WITH YOUR TRUSTY BRUMBY PACKING ALONG YOUR SWAG AND A DINGO BY YOUR SIDE
CHEERS MATE
CANADIAN VERSION
WHAT IS ENGLAND DOING?
OK NOW COPY THAT SHIT AND JUST CHANGE A FEW THINGS
NO PUSSY REAL “TEAWARE”, WE HAVE NORMAL COFFEE MUGS FOR THAT SHIT.
USE WHATEVER APPLIANCE YOU WANT TO HEAT THE DAMN WATER, YEAH WE SIGNED OUR FUCKING FREEDOM. NO ONE SAID IT WAS MANDATORY FOR KETTLES!
SIT LIKE A CLASSY MAN/WOMAN AND WAIT FOR IT TO BOIL
EAT SOME BACON
THROW A TEABAG IN THERE, LOOSE TEA IS FOR MY MONARCHIST AUNT.
DUMP SO MUCH SUGAR IN IT THAT YOU GET DIABETES AND SO MUCH MILK THAT YOU’RE GONNA HAVE TO GO OUTSIDE AND MILK THE COW, BETSY.
TAKE A SIP.
SCALD YOURSELF AND ALMOST DROP MUG, SPILLING IT DOWN THE FRONT OF YOUR BACK IN THE PROCESS.
REALIZE TEA ISN’T TOO MUCH OF YOUR THING AND GO BACK TO COFFEE.
AMERICAN VERSION
FIND A CUP(?) (ANY CLEAN, CUP-LIKE INSTRUMENT WILL WORK)
FILL IT WITH TAP WATER
ADD FIVE SPOONFULS OF INSTANT ICED TEA POWDER
STIR THAT SHIT SO HARD YOU SPILL SOME ON THE COUNTER, LET GO OF THE SPOON SO YOU CAN WATCH IT SPIN
DRINK IT AND CHOKE BECAUSE IT’S TOO SWEET
POUR SOME INTO THE SINK AND ADD WATER IN HOPES THAT IT WILL TASTE ACCEPTABLE
REPEAT UNTIL YOU GET IT RIGHT
ADD ICE CUBES AND A STRAW TO ENHANCE CLASSINESS
FINNISH VERSION
FUCK THE KETTLE, JUST TAKE THE PAIL FROM THE SAUNAIF THE WATER ISN’T BOILING, YOU’RE DOING SOMETHING WRONG
TOSS THE BIRCH VIHTA IN THE WATER AND LET IT SEEP FOR A WHILE
GET A BOTTLE OF VODKA
DRINK THE VODKA
FORGET THE “TEA” UNTIL IT COOLS DOWN
RINSE YOUR NAKED BODY WITH THE BIRCH TEA
GO ROLL IN THE SNOW AND SCREAM FOR YOUR ANCIENT GODS
NORWEGIAN VERSION
BOIL WATER IN ELECTRIC KETTLE
TAKE OUT INSTANT COFFEE
DRINK COFFEE
…WHAT DO YOU MEAN “TEA”?
SOUTHERN VERSION
GET A POT AND PUT SOME WATER AND A BUNCH OF TEA BAGS IN THAT SONOFABITCH
BOIL THAT SHIT
PUT THAT SHIT IN A PITCHER
ADD SUGAR
KEEP ADDING SUGAR
NO, YOU’RE NOT DONE YET
WHEN THE SUGAR HAS REACHED ITS SATURATION POINT AND IS NO LONGER ACTUALLY DISSOLVING IN BOILING WATER THEN YOU’RE DONE
(i am not making this up i know people who make it that way)
FILL THE REST OF THAT SHIT UP WITH WATER AND PUT THAT MOTHERFUCKER IN THE ICEBOX
ENJOY THAT SHIT WITH A NICE TASTY PLATE OF DEEP-FRIED THINGS
YES
THAT IS EXACTLY HOW MY FATHER’s MOTHER MAKES HER SWEET TEA
(How in the world do I still have teeth, geez)
REAL AMERICAN VERSION
THROW TEA IN HARBORWait, but what water SHOULD I use?! I must know!!!
I River water? Rain water? God knows.
(Source: areyoutryingtodeduceme)
YOU GUYS NEARLY 11,000 OF YOU PUT UP WITH ME ON A DAILY BASIS. You guys listen to more of my crap than my own boyfriend generally does. That deserves rewarding. So this is an extra SPECIAL tea give away, and there will be THREE winners. Oh my god. Want a chance to become one of those lucky three people? Read on and follow directions.
THE PRIZES:
- First Place Prize: A set of all seven Sherlock Shipper tea blends [Sherlock/Moriarty, Sherlock/Irene, Moriarty/Moran, Mycroft/Lestrade, Lestrade/John, Lestrade/Molly, Molly/Moriarty]
- Second Place Prize: A set of all four* Avengers Teas [Thor, Loki, Steve Rogers, and Coulson *and possibly also Tony Stark if I make a tea for him soon]
- Third Place Prize: A set of all three Doctor Who Teas [The TARDIS, Amy Pond, and Rory]
- IN ADDITION TO THE ABOVE PRIZE PACKS: Each winner will get ONE blend specially created for them. It can be a character or ship or show or book or whatever that I haven’t done that they’d like me to do. It can even be a blend made based on THEM. Whatever the winners would like. They each get to request one, and they will receive it with their other teas.
I MIGHT ADD TO THESE PRIZES. If this gets reblogged like, a lot, or something, I might lose my head and also send the winners mugs to go with their tea. Or a book. WE’LL SEE.
THE RULES:
- Anyone ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD can enter EXCEPT AUSTRALIA AND NEW ZEALAND!! I am SUPER sorry for my followers down under because not only do you have to put up with terrifying wild life, you can’t even allow tea to be imported to help comfort you. Sorry, there’s like, crazy laws and stuff.
- You do not have to be following me to win, but it might be helpful to keep track of updates or changes (if any). Plus I plan to make some blends for other fandoms in the future, so if tea is your thing, it might not be a bad idea?
- Only two reblogs a day allowed.I did not realize how often people would reblog my last big give away soooo I’m going to enforce this LOL. You can reblog on as many days as you’d like, but yeah, only 2 reblogs a day please. I’ll be checking.
- LIKES DON’T COUNT. Sorry! You have to reblog!
- The give away will end and I will choose the winners on FRIDAY JUNE 1ST. I’ll probably do the drawing late at night on that day, so I’m going to say I’ll stop counting reblogs at 10 p.m. EST. Winners may not be announced until the next day or so, just to be aware!
- Here’s how the winners will be selected: Just like all of my other give aways, I’ll compile a spreadsheet or numbered list of all of the reblogs, and I’ll use the number generator on random.org to chose a number and find the corresponding username on the list. The first number I draw will win the first place prize (or, if they are more into Avengers or Doctor Who, they may chose one of the other prizes). Second number I draw will win the second place prize (or a choice between whatever two packs remain), and the third number drawn will receive the last prize!
[5/20 UPDATE] Dudes you guys are on a ROLL with this! I promised that if it hit 25k notes by the end of this weekend, I’d add another prize pack and, well, it happened. So now instead of three winners, FOUR people will win a prize. Same rules apply as before. The first place winner gets first choice of the prizes, then the second place winner, then so on. So what teas am I adding? CABIN PRESSURE!
The Lemon is in Play, Ottery Kisses, and Polar Bears are BRILLIANT!
And of course this prize pack will also come with a customized tea blend of the winners choice as well <33Thanks so much everyone! You guys seriously are just the best, and odds are, I may end up adding another prize pack at 35K or something if it actually gets to that o_o
[5/21 UPDATE] DANG GUYS. ANOTHER ADDITION ALREADY!
Not another prize pack, per se, BUT, I am possibly doubling the number of final winners. Basically, when I draw names for the prizes, the people that the winners reblogged the contest from will ALSO win the prize that the person drawn chooses. If the winner reblogged from me or themselves, they’ll still only get one prize. And I’m not going to win a prize in my own contest so….
Anyway, I guess this is a good reason to encourage your followers to reblog the contest from your blogs or something 8D;
[5/24] YOU GUYS ARE INSANE. SO. This has reached 35k. And I said earlier that if I created a Tony Stark blend, I’d add it to the Avengers Prize Pack. Well, I made Tony Stark, so he’s adding. But then I also made Bruce Banner, Clint Barton, and Natasha Romanoff as well. So I’m also going to add THOSE to the Avengers prize pack as well.
And hell, since I’m somehow about to hit 15k followers too (what are you guys even thinking, honestly), here’s another new prize pack so the number of potential winners is increasing:
Both of the Good Omens Teas! Aziraphale and Crowley! <3
Uh…. if this hits 50k I’ll think of something good.
UPDATED!
(via missd0llface)
i would do every since one of these things gladly
My 7th grade geography teacher did one lots of tests where all the answers were a single letter.
And its like, all of them could be A but one, so I can’t trust the feeling that I think I should put the same letter. Then he would laugh at us lol.
But he was cool, he was related to Ronald Reagan, gave us candy, played music during class, and if we helped put the chairs up on the tables at the end of the day he would give us a soda out of the fridge he kept under his desk.
Ummm, can I go back to middle school?? That class was freaken great!
(Source: tastefullyoffensive, via redheaded-writer)
(via tessaviolet)
“You sure you don’t wanna stop and pick up some burgers or something, you know, road trip food?”
(via tessaviolet)
PhotoBurt on Flickr.
Disneyland Park Bert photobombs a couple.
…..Bert. Oh Bert. Please just……never stop being flawless. I love you.
Bert. The ultimate photobomber.
Christian Dior Haute Couture f/w 2007 by John Galliano
(Source: such-a-mournful-sound, via frogunicorn79)
(Source: politics-war, via redheaded-writer)
The story of Dex-Starr. T_T
WHY DO PEOPLE KEEP REBLOGGING THIS?
FUCK, WHY DID I REBLOG IT?
*cries*
^
Literally the saddest origin story ever.
FUCK, WHY IS THIS BACK
yes dex-starr, you good kitty ;_;
;__; oh god no not this again
Your dog will wait loyally by your grave from here until the end of time, but your cat will hunt down your murderer and avenge you.
GROSS
SOBBING
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
I need this. I don’t even follow DC stuff but it’s a freaking cat in the Red Lanterns jesus christ.
*UGLY CRYING*
